"These are her random thoughts. Should anyone finds her entries offending or harmful, please close your eyes and stop reading you goof! :)"
12 July 2010 2:38:00 AM
I'm sober now.
My rants will stop here, but my life journey continues.. continues to revolve around the people I love, the people who makes love some sense.
People bound to make mistake, and i have made mine. I am sewing back what I've ripped and trying to redeem myself to the people I've hurt.
Thank you Ayah and Ibu, for standing up for me even if it means putting yourself so low in front of others. Thank you for staying so humble, just for me even though I've disappointed you in many ways. It's truly gratifying and I am thankful that I'm blessed with such good parents.
I wouldn't want to turn back time, even if I could. Things happen for a reason.
posted by B Junior @ 2:38:00 AM (0) comments
29 June 2010 11:39:00 PM
I have less than 5 days. I guess this is it. By Sunday, everything is officially over.
2nd June 2006, I met this boy and I instantly know that he's arrogant. He doesn't smile and he had a style. I knew from the start, that he's beyond my league.
22nd June 2006, this boy text-ed me: "Happy Birthday to me." And I'm like stunned. Is he crack or what? It was my birthday the day before, and out of nowhere he appeared, how the hell he knew it's my special day? I guess it's fate, his birthday is next to mine.
I was reluctant to befriend him as he had a reputation : Player. And i was like rolling the dice in my head, should I or shouldn't I? He's out there, and I'm nothing compared to his pool of fans.
One day, I was out walking in Bugis when he text-ed me again. He said: "Wanna club?" She said: "Only if you be my date :)"
Little birdie told me he kissed his phone instantly after reading my text. HAHA! We had our first dance that very night, 11 August 06, though it's not romantic, but it was sexy i say!
You introduced me to our first song, Cassie - me & you. You improvised the lyrics, and I'm still not your girlfriend. Pfft.
Time passed and he still hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend, i started to get paranoid. I text-ed him that night, telling him I didn't want to stay. I felt that he was just out to play around with my feelings. Half an hour later, he said he had reached my crib. We spent the night at Bangkit talking bullshit, drowning ourselves with chocolate drink (read: BIG & it's non-alcoholic so stop pretending you were drunk!) and still he didn't ask me to be his girlfriend.
On the same day, I decided to sent him to work. During the journey in the bus, three bus stop before he reached his destination, he popped the question. OF ALL PLACES! It was 12 Sept 2006. One of the happiest day of my life.
Life goes on as usual. We went for many dates. Till one fine day, on 27 November 2007, his parents went over to my place. It was supposed to be "getting to know each other" session. But before his mom left my place, she smiled so widely to me. Little did we know, they have decided for us to get engaged. A day before my brother's wedding; 2nd February 2008.
That day changed my life. Our priorities have changed, our fights got tougher. We battled though the impossible. But i guess, we didn't fight a good fight.
The engagement was not a mistake, neither have i ever regretted going into a commitment with you. I guess, along the way, we both lost sight of what we've planned for. I have always imagined walking down that isle with you, thus making it more difficult for me to attending any wedding receptions, as it would only remind me of those times we shared.
I must admit I'm selfish. I wanted more than what you could offer. Not because I'm looking down on you, but because I know you're capable of doing more than what you have now. We spent the last 4 years gazing at each other, accepting the imperfections.
All i could say now is.. I'm truly sorry. The purpose of this entry is to remind me, that you once existed. That you once gave me happiness. Though it's not forever, it's enough for me to remember you for a lifetime. Thank you Fazli, for standing up for me when I'm wrong. For being there and telling me that it's all going to be alright. Thank you, for the 4 years.
I will always remember our first song, our first dance and most importantly, our first meet. I will watch you from a far, for to see you happy again is sufficient to mend this broken heart. I hope we're making the right decision.
I guess this will be the last entry for me. Before i go, i would like to dedicate this special song for you. And guess what? It's one of your favourite song.
I've soon realized that age is catching up with us. last week, ayie's dad passed away. & today, hairy informed us that his dad is at stage 4. seeing them going through the grieve is so painful. i don't know if i can be as strong as them if it's happening to me. yes, it's part & parcel of life, but i don't think i will ever be ready for this.
i love you ayah & ibu. i don't even know why I'm crying so badly while composing this entry. shucks. I'm such a crybaby.
posted by B Junior @ 3:17:00 AM (0) comments